Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
