Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
