And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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