jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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