I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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