Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
too bad you live with your parents still
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
