I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
