I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
