Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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