All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
