Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
