what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
