I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
