You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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