Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
