I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
