How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
