put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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