so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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