Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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