My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
