Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
