i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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