We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
