I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
