as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"