i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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