If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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