Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Too much gin, very little bucket
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
