Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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