Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
