Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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