so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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