Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
