I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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