your room smells of hookers.
And success
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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