I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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