Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
