i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
