He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
