Plan B is the new Plan A
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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