saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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