i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
