he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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