Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
