i don't like sucking hair
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
