Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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