I wanna bring you to show and tell
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
