I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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