Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
