I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
