so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She bit a glass in half.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
