no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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