my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
