I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
