You just made me feel so damn special
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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