Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
