lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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