My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
