What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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