I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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