What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
