everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
