who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
