You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
