Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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