No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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