First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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