found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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