return my video game
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
