you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm bleeding and have questions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
