is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
