omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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