bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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