i just had sex bonerless
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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