Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
