obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
