Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
