I smell stomach acid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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