would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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