non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
