Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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